May 16th, 2009 | Events, International Action, Interviews, Locals Taking Action
Duck Disqualification Shock Drama
Stunned Duck Race competitors receive the news that two of their number have been suspended
In what is believed to be the first incident of its kind, two of the competitors in Saturdays’s Duck Race (on May 23rd in Carding Mill Valley, Church Stretton) have been disqualified after testing positive for Helium.
Completely Quackers (No 11) and World Wide Web Feet (no 6) were subjected to a random drugs test while undergoing training last week; the tests revealed traces of helium gas, a lighter than air substance that enhances duck performance.
Winner of one of last year’s races, Duckaroo (48) explained what helium does to a plastic duck’s chances. “Basically, it makes them lighter” he said, “and on the Carding Mill Valley course in particular, where there are many obstacles to avoid, lighter means faster”
Ducky Jim (20), another of last year’s favourites, had nothing but scorn for his shamed colleagues. “We had all heard rumours that some ducks were taking H,” he said, ” but we didn’t believe it - it’s just cheating. This is a dark day for all duckdom. I’m just glad we caught them in time - and I hope they get a life ban. This used to be the kind of thing only humans did.”
Although helium is a largely benign gas that seeps through the plastic duck skin and is eventually absorbed into the atmosphere, ducks who take it regularly suffer long term side effects, losing their colour and frequently developing a high pitched quack.
A spokesman for Stretton Climate Care, joint organisers of the Carding Mill Valley Duck Races with the National Trust, said, “Sadly, there will only be 48 entrants in the Duck Race this year. Still, we hope everyone who comes will have a good time confident that the sport remains clean and is determined not to duck the issue.”
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To be honest, I’m not surprised about Quackers. He was always pushing the boat out, testing the envelope, putting pressure on himself - that’s why he’s called Completely Quackers - he is!
Still it’s sad. He was always good for a worm if you were hard up. The other guy I don’t know but they tell me he’s been all around the world and does all sort of dubious things, cleaning out MP’s moats, that kind of stuff. We’re probably well off without him.
What a shame! There’s always one bad egg. It’s dreadful that in this instance there were two participants who disgraced these Ducky Races.
We always suspected WWWF did a bit of ducking and diving.
It’s a sad day for Quackville.
The ducky community of Bath Town have been very upset by how the police have handled the matter. We beleive that Completely Quackers and World Wide Web Feet are actually completly inocent and have been framed!
World Wide Web Feet is a good friend of mine, and told me Doctor Ducky had given him and Completely Quackers some new pills the day before the drugs test which he said would be harmless.
We’re horrified that they should be framed like this! They have not done anything wrong!
I am very discrased that Quackers drank that heilium just for the sake of it!This is what Quack-2-beak-2 thinks of it.What was he thinking, just drinking the helium. This is a horrible day for the Qackster Stretton climate care race.
It wasn’t their fault that they didn’t know what they were doing!Im really shocked to hear about this case. They were looking forward to the race and now they’ve had to back out they will be so disappointed. The ducks only got caught because they experimented for a dare with the balloons (and a bit of duckaholl) at their mate’s birthday party.
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